Throughout my lifetime, I have experienced many things, some pleasant and others painful. Some moments left scars that I hide behind smiles and laughter, while others remain mysteries I may never fully understand.

There were times in my life when I denied belief in Jesus or even in God, despite being born and raised in a Catholic family. Back then, I was young and arrogant, convinced I understood life. One thing led to another, and I found myself possessed by an evil spirit. I will spare you the details, but that experience gave me a question that would change my life forever:

If darkness exists, then surely there must be light?

That question ignited my search for purpose. My curiosity made me question my existence, and over time, the desire to pursue the light grew stronger. After years of searching, that path led me to MAG+S.

When someone asks me now, “Do you believe in God?” my answer is this: I do not think logic alone can explain the existence of God. Only by deeply reflecting on every detail and every moment that has led us to where we are now can one answer that question with true sincerity.

Honestly, I do not even know where to begin, because everything in my life has led me to this very moment.

At first, I read the phrase “MAG+S – to be more” as if it were just another motivational quote. But it is much deeper than that. To be more means to become more yourself, to embrace your uniqueness, to bring depth into everything you do, in your craft, in your God-given gifts, whether it is writing poetry, practicing civil engineering, or even picking up trash.

It is about your intentions, how pure they are, and whether you truly give everything you have to offer. Such beauty in such a simple phrase.

Over the nine months of MAG+S formation, I tore down everything I thought I knew about myself. I realized I had built a house with no foundation. Through MAG+S, I was able to rebuild myself on rock, a foundation that can now withstand any kind of storm.

We live in a world full of distractions. For me, my phone has always been my biggest one. It blinded me from seeing the beauty of life because I carried that screen everywhere I went.

During my Immersion experience as a pilgrim, I walked 76 kilometers over three days, no phone, only a rosary and the clothes that I was wearing. Before starting the journey, I prayed:

“Lord, allow these eyes to see what You want me to see.
Allow these ears to hear what You want me to hear.
These hands to touch wherever You want me to touch.
These feet to step wherever You want me to go.”

It was a challenging journey. Some moments brought consolation, while others brought desolation. But through it all, I could see the Creator’s hand in every step.

I heard the birds sing as a new dawn broke. My thirst was quenched whenever I asked for water. My hunger was filled whenever I felt weak. Even when some rejected our requests for food or shelter, the next person we met would provide exactly what we needed.

Whenever I lacked the strength to go on, even with blisters under my feet, somehow, I was able to keep moving. I remember standing atop a mountain near the border from Aileu to Maubisse, looking back at the mountains I had crossed. I was in awe of the strength I had received. Never in my life had I imagined I could make it this far.

While wandering through the wilderness, surrounded by birds and trees, walking along the roadside and observing life, a parable Jesus once told came to mind. I did not remember the exact verse at the time, but I knew I had heard it before, either during Mass or somewhere online. It was the Parable of the Sower.

Luke 23:34
Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”

Luke 8:4-8 – The Parable of the Sower
A sower went out to sow his seed. As he sowed, some fell by the wayside and was trampled, and the birds devoured it. Some fell on rock, and as soon as it sprang up, it withered because it lacked moisture. Some fell among thorns, which grew up and choked it. But others fell on good ground and produced a crop a hundredfold.

When He said these things, He cried out, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear!”

Luke 8:11-15 – The Parable Explained
“The seed is the Word of God. Those by the wayside are the ones who hear, but the devil takes away the word from their hearts. Those on the rock receive it with joy but have no root and fall away in times of temptation. Those among thorns hear the word but are choked by the cares, riches, and pleasures of life, and bring no fruit to maturity. But those on good soil, having heard with a noble and good heart, keep it and bear fruit with patience.”

During the pilgrimage, I saw all those seeds within myself.

I realized I was once the seed that fell by the roadside when I rejected the Word of God and let the devil take it away. Later, when I began pursuing the light, I became the seed on the rock, receiving the Word during Mass but failing to apply it when faced with challenges.

As I went deeper in faith, I was the seed among thorns, receiving the Word but bearing no fruit because of worldly distractions and desires.

But through MAG+S, I believe I have now been planted on good soil. I still have flaws, but I know that in time, I will bear good fruit.

I also saw these seeds in the people we met along the pilgrimage. Some were like the ones by the roadside, rejecting us completely and looking at us with suspicion, as if we were thieves. Others were like the ones among thorns, hesitant to help at first, but later offering food or shelter despite their struggles.

Many of them had pure hearts, but life’s hardships had made it difficult for them to give. How could they, when they themselves were in need? Yet, I never felt anger toward those who turned us away. Instead, my eyes were opened to their struggles, to see how society and suffering had hardened their hearts.

My heart rejoiced most when I met those who had almost nothing, yet still shared the little they had.

Reaching the end of that journey filled me with hope. Even amidst chaos, there is still great beauty to admire.

I finally understood why Jesus died on the cross, because He saw the struggles and the pain that changed the hearts of so many pure souls.

And with all my heart, I want to say:

Thank You, Jesus, for everything.

Written by: Auxílio Salsinha Soares (MAG+Ser Timor-Leste)