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An internal journey toward God’s transformative call

An internal journey toward God’s transformative call

Since I started my journey here in the Philippines on November 11, 2023, up to now, I have been invited to explore the beauty of being religious through the different tasks I have been given. As a new member of the community, I received a lot of assignments, such as apostolate, head of the little community which involved 5 scholastics in a group, assistant of the sacristy, head of the decoration team for the presbyteral ordination on June 01, 2024, server in the Eucharistic celebrations, and so on…

Among these tasks, being a server in the Eucharistic celebrations is the most inspiring, challenging, and crucial in my journey here in the Philippines. Even though it is a simple task and a new experience, however, it has a deeper meaning which opened my horizon for serving God with a joyful heart, open heart, and profound gratitude. I am inspired by the quotation of Jack Hyles one of the American pastors of the First Baptist Church “If God calls us to a task, He will then qualify us for the job.”  It is true that in any mission I undertake, God faithfully presents Himself continuously working in ways that are truly transformative.

As I reflected, serving God in the Eucharistic celebrations is His way of calling me. God calls me because he wants to guide me, transform me, and teach me, and it makes me aware that God surprises and qualifies my life in different aspects of my life based on my fragilities, hindrances, motivations, and desires. As I first experienced, it is truly hard to be a server in this new context of the Philippines, because it requires my attention to the rites of the mass, to myself, to others, etc. Further, I can experience transformation, self-improvement, and growth through this task. I am especially taught and inspired to build a deeper relationship with God through these three points; 1. self-availability, 2. self-confidence, 3. and a deeper desire for God’s desire.

1. Self-availability is the purpose of my formation which I train myself to be available for any task or any responsibility in the new step of my formation here in the Philippines. It should reflect my confrontation with my hindrances, insecurities, etc, so that I may collaborate well, organize well, and accomplish well. But the main invitation is to be more aware of the purpose of the reality of God’s calling to religious life. Personally, my religious life is a call for availability, a call for mission, and a call for unification in God’s mission.

2. self-confidence isthe root of my ability to integrate into the new context. As I experienced that to build my self-confidence, I have to see myself positively, without judging myself, but accepting my fragilities, insecurities, etc. This self-confidence leads me to embrace the complexities and inspires me to preserve and value the qualities and opportunities of my formation.

3. A deeper desire for God’s desire; Serving God in the Eucharistic celebration is an invitation to identify and connect God’s desire and mine. Every time, I am given a chance to serve in the mass, I always discover that my desire is meaningful and connected with God’s desire. It is not only about searching or deepening my desire for God; however, the crucial thing is to sense the savor of God’s desire in me. It is discovered during the mass of the presbyteral ordination on June 01, 2024. The desire of God transformed my fragilities into Joy, fearlessness, receptiveness, and faith.

These three points are my capacity for change and growth, purpose and desire, integrity and collaboration, and encourage the heart. Finally, the tasks that I am given in this formation lead me to know, love, and serve more God so that I may experience more of God’s holy desire for me.

Sch. Jonas Carvalho Soares SJ.