A Reflection from a MAG+Ser
There was a time in my life when I thought I was free, but in reality, I was only moving further away from myself. I laughed with people, followed every desire that seemed to bring happiness and lived without thinking deeply about where my life was going. But inside, my heart was empty. I became involved in violence, unhealthy relationships, hatred and actions that slowly brought darkness into my life. At that time, I did not realize that I was losing direction and creating wounds within myself.
Yet somehow, even in my worst moments, God still allowed me to be found.
In April 2019, I joined the month of Mary activities for the first time. Before that, I only knew Mary from far away, simply as “Nain Feto” (Nain-Feto means Our Lady in Tetum Language). I never imagined that she would later become someone so important in my journey of faith.
When I began praying the Rosary in May 2019, nothing extraordinary happened immediately. I was only repeating prayers I had known since childhood. But grace often comes quietly and unexpectedly.
Over time, Mary began to enter my life through simple moments. Whenever I felt tired, broken, confused or hopeless, I found myself returning to her again and again. For me, Mary became more than someone I prayed to. She became a mother of hope and a place where I could bring everything I carried inside my heart – my fears, pain, gratitude and struggles – that I could not explain to anyone else.
Among all these experiences, there is one moment connected to my family that I can never forget. In my family, there are eight sons. For many years, my mother carried a quiet desire in her heart—she hoped for a daughter. It was not something she spoke out loud, but a deep desire she carried in silence and trust. She placed that hope fully in Mary.
Photo: Miguel in a green outift next to the wall taking photo with his family after praying Rosary.
I still remember her devotion. There was no certainty, only faith. She continued praying with the heart of a mother speaking to another mother. And one day, what once felt impossible for our family became real.
My younger sister was born. For other people, it may seem like coincidence, but for me, it became deeply personal. It was the moment I realized that Mary truly listens, not only to great prayers, but also to the silent desires of the heart. Through that experience, I saw how faith can live inside a family, even when hope feels distant.
Since then, my relationship with Mary has become much deeper. There are days when I feel weak, tired or lost again. But whenever I stop praying or stop speaking with her, I feel something missing inside me, as my heart slowly loses its direction again.
As the years passed, I also realized that despite my past, Mary never abandoned me. Through prayer, the MAG+S Community, and silence with God, I learned that conversion is not about becoming perfect, but about returning again and again to our true self, allowing God to transform us.
One of the greatest lessons I learned from Mary is how she embraced suffering with love. Even while witnessing the suffering of her Son, she remained faithful. This teaches me that wounds do not always destroy us. Sometimes, they become the places where God heals and reshapes us.
Today, I still struggle, but I know where to return when life becomes heavy. I return to Mary, a model of true love. She is the mother who taught me that even a lost person can find their way home. And perhaps her simplest lesson for my life is this: do small things with great love.
Written by:
Miguel da Silva Ximenes, MAG+Ser (Member of MAG+S Timor-Leste)