My journey of living my religious life as a Jesuit has been a journey of God’s Love. After thirteen years, I have discovered how deep God’s love is. It works in mysterious ways. Sometimes it comes through the smile of a child who portrays a song of birds and a murmur of streams. Sometimes it arises from a eureka moment after going through searching and doubting. Sometimes it derives from a sense of wonder towards the beauty of nature, where the gorgeousness of the grandeur of God reveals itself. Sometimes, it springs from our laughter in community life, where there is a joy of companionship. Sometimes it originates from a word of hai from a stranger who just shared the same path for a while and disappears. There are countless ways in how God reveals his love. The invitation for me is to tune my attention to be always alert to every movement because there is always a space to find God’s love.

As a Jesuit, I am blessed with the gift of Examen. A day that is passed is like a house that is being burned. Every second that is gone will never return. The Ignatian examen gives me a quality pause to look back at my entire day to see what can be protected with the hearts of gratitude. Most of the time, I will always find God’s footprints as the heavenly mark of His love. In the times of consolation, there is joy, hope, faith, and motivation. In times of desolation, there is sadness, uncertainty, hopelessness, and regret. The feeling is varied. However, one thing is certain: God’s love covers everything.

Furthermore, I am also blessed with the gift of discernment. In Jesuit formation, we are not asked to hurry in executing our plans and desires. This is because Saint Ignatius of Loyola has reminded us to be careful of the motions of the soul—the interior movements that need our sensitivity towards our thoughts, desires, feelings, inclinations, and attractions. In other words, every day, there is always the Ignatius battle in every situation: the rivalry of the saints and the knights; those of chivalry and those of saints. It continues in different forms that demand us to be vigilant. This is the battle that if I rely solely on my power, I will be directed certainly to follow human will. The execution of the plans will not be aligned with the will of God. It really needs the discernment so that everything is for the greater Glory of God.

In my four years serving as a regent in Colégio de Santo Inácio de Loiola and Instituto São João de Brito, the gift of Ignatian examen and discernment had accompanied my path. They helped me to be more patient with myself and others as well. There were times when I was tempted to rush. There were times when I could not control the situation that I did not expect. There were times when I was down, almost reaching my own grave. There were times when I fell, and getting up was almost not an option anymore. In these real situations, examen gave me a pause to look within to remind myself to discern and to embrace myself and say, “Akino, be patient!” There were times when I had to listen to different stories from those who struggled alone. There were times when I had to answer to the needs of the students. There were times when I had to take the decision that certainly affected others. In these situations, the discernment and examination helped me to reflect deeply and to let the presence of others enrich me. Bringing back all the experiences of my past four years of how discernment and Ignatian examen have helped me, I continue to find the presence of God’s love that reveals itself as a blessing in disguise.

This year, Pope Francis has declared 2025 the jubilee of hope. Personally, this is the precious year in which I will continue my journey with the renewal of my commitment to be the witness of hope. This is the real task of being a Christian, particularly a Jesuit. My journey has been the discovery of God’s love that has been manifested in various experiences.  With the power of hope, this is the time to savor how I have been loved, and indeed, I am blessed. I have to go to the peripheries where God will use me as his instrument of hope. This is a new flame that I will take to step into my future.  Pope Francis says, “We must fan off the flame of hope that has been given to us and help everyone to gain new strength and certainty by looking to the future with an open spirit, a trusting heart, and far-sighted vision.” For this, I continue to surrender my life to God because He will show the way.

In your love, I surrender

Like a child who rests in Your lasting care

You guide my ways, day and night

With divine lamp to delight

Whom shall I go day by day, oh Lord?

To you alone and shall be adored

You give me enough

And I am enough

My life is neither short nor long

I beg none to belong

But to always live as You live

And to give as You give

To always love as You love

As my way to reach above

In Your hands and love that’s endless

I live, love and share to the fullness  

By: Thomas Joakino da Costa, S.J